The truth about last year.

I’m going to be honest with you guys… Last year was awful. In the beginning of last year, I moved to a new town to start graduate school. I thought it was going to be a great year because, in my experience, new town means new adventures! So, I was anticipating that I was going to make amazing friends, find an amazing church, and have a great old time for 2016.

Jenn

Man, was I wrong! I struggled from loneliness, to anxiety, to depression. To this day, I have only made superficial friends: meaning my classmates that I only see in class. And trust me, I tried to make friends. I got plugged in a church and in the small groups of said church. I tried to connect with my classmates and roommates. For some reason, there was never a connection made.

I also was struggling a lot with my singleness last year. Not sure if it’s because I was also struggling with loneliness or if it’s because I realized I am in my late 20’s, have been single for over 6 years, and realized I’m one of the last people out of all my friends to still be single. Whatever the reason, I struggled hard with being single last year.

I also was having trouble  balancing work and school, which made me experience anxiety for the first time. Eventually, I had a panic attack and realized that I needed to go to counseling.

So, I did.

In December, my counselor asked me something, “Where is Jesus in all of this?” I was so taken aback from that question. At first I got defensive but than I realized that He wasn’t really in my life. Even though I had moments where I prayed(more like complained), or read my bible(out of religious obligation). I never really let Jesus be with me. In other words, I never truly had a deep meaningful relationship with Him. I ignored him, got angry at him, or even pretended that he wasn’t in my life. But I was never really in the presence of Jesus.

I should have been. I should have been more with Jesus during all these struggles, but instead I relied on my own strength to get by each day, which made my situation even worse. I got more depressed and more anxious.

So, I decided that 2017 is going to be different. I know we all say that every year. But I didn’t want to change because it was a new year, I wanted to change because there is no way I am going to finish my last year in grad school, in this “new” town if I keep doing it the way I was doing it last year, by relying on my own strength.

Jesus even mentioned that if He is with us and we are with Him, we will grow. But apart from Him we would wither away like a branch which then is thrown in the fire.

““I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Fatherʼs glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.”

John 15:5-8

I’m not sure what you guys are going through. What I do know is that we can’t do anything in life without God. I mean, we can try, but it’s going to be really hard; mentally, physically, and spiritually. I would rather go through a hard time with God because of his amazing power and strength than by myself.

– Jennifer Harvey